Non-Jews are for practice
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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