OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
