Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
