we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
