At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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