i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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