You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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