I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
