We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
