So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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