you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I smell like Dick and happiness
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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