she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
