Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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