I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize