Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
