Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
