i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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