Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
