and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
