Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize