I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
