My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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