So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
