I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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