i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
