I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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