My sheets look like a crime scene.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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