Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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