Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
