Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
