According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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