How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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