I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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