he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
