I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
