Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
