even my farts smell like vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
