Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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