Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
