wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
