I can text with my tongue
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
