the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
