There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i want to swaddle you in tequila
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
