I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
