I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
