It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
