she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Even my vagina gasped.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
