I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
