guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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My penis needs a shock collar
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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