i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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