You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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