Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
