I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
