You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
