i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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