dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
