Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
