i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
