Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
