I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
